Ghosts of Christmases Past
by YanksLuver
Summary: While undergoing surgery, Sydney recalls memories from past Christmases, including her childhood, a time with Vaughn and her period as Julia.


Title: Ghosts of Christmases Past

Author: Steph (ILUVNYYANK@aol.com) 

Category: Drama/Romance

Pairings: Syd/Vaughn; Vaughn/Lauren, Simon/Julias, Jack/Syd relationship stuff

Spoilers: "Prelude" and general upcoming events.  

Rating: PG-13.  For a little bit of a sexual situation.  It's nothing really, but just to be safe

Archive: Sure, just let me know where. 

Disclaimer: Alias and its characters do not belong to me. I do this out of 

a love for the show and no infringement is intended. 

Summary: While undergoing surgery, Sydney recalls memories from past Christmases, including her childhood, a time with Vaughn and her period as Julia.

Note: This is in response to the Sd-1.com December challenge.  It's a little early, but it's best to do it now before I (and everyone else) get too busy.   Requirements: Jack Bristow in a Santa suit singing a Christmas Carol; a snowball fight; snow globe that has a sentimental value (explain why it is sentimental); a scene at an airport; use of the word 'gingerbread' somewhere in the story; and a poinsettia plant.   There are flashbacks here, which are all separate scenes and denoted by italics.  Anyway, hope you enjoy it and please let me know what you thought! :) ~Steph

* * * Ghosts of Christmases Past: Part: 1/1 * * * 

               Tomorrow was Christmas Eve and Sydney was scheduled to have her surgery.  Vaughn and Jack had done everything in their power to delay the surgery, hoping to buy time to figure a way out of this.  But nothing they said or did could change anything.  Jack had run out of questionable tactics and Sydney had run out of time.

Vaughn hurried through the airport.  Lauren had his ticket and if he hadn't used his CIA credentials, he never would have gotten this far.  He finally spotted his wife near their gate, waiting to board.  She stood up when she saw him.

               "I didn't think you were going to make it.  We're about to board."  She paused, noting his empty hands.  "Where's your carry-on?"

               Vaughn shook his head.  "I can't go, Lauren."

               Her brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean you can't go?  My parents are expecting us for Christmas."

               He nodded. "I know, but Sydney's having her surgery tomorrow.  I have to be there."

               Lauren's jaw tightened and she crossed her arms over her chest.  "This is our first Christmas together as husband and wife, Michael."

               "I'm sorry," he said softly, his eyes now focused on the ground. 

               She shook her head in disbelief.  "That surgery is going to take hours.  You mean you would rather spend Christmas sitting in a waiting room, than spend it with me and my family?"

               Vaughn sighed and moved forward to place his hands on her arms, but she took a step back from him.  "It's not like that.  I just have to be there for her."

               "She won't even know you're there, Michael."  

               "She'll know," he replied softly. 

               Lauren smiled bitterly, as she blinked back a few tears. "What do you think?  You're mere presence will pull her through?  That she'll come back to you?"

               Vaughn rubbed a hand across his face, as he shook his head. "You'll never understand our relationship, Lauren, so this is my last attempt at explaining it to you.  Sydney's my friend.  I care about her and she needs me right now.  After all she's been through, this is the least I can do."

               Lauren stared at him for a moment, then bent down to pick up her carry-on.  They were just about to call her to board.  She reached into an exterior pocket of the bag, pulled out his ticket and handed it to him.  

               "Like I said, I was certain you weren't going to make it, so I took the liberty of checking to see if there was a flight you could trade it in for.  There's one tomorrow night.  Someone canceled.  I reserved a seat for you and you can trade this one in for it if you change your mind."

               Vaughn took the ticket from her, but couldn't meet her eyes.  

               "I won't," he said quietly.

               Lauren swallowed hard.  "I think I'm going to stay a few extra days with my parents.  I'll call Lindsey from the plane and let him know."

               Vaughn's head snapped up.  "A few extra days?  I was hoping we could celebrate Christmas a day late.  Just the two of us."

               "Well, I was hoping to spend Christmas with my husband and my family.  Apparently, we don't always get what we hope for."

               Vaughn briefly squeezed his eyes shut, then met his wife's gaze.  "If you change your mind-...."

               "I won't," she replied, cutting him off and mirroring his response.

               He pursed his lips, finishing quietly, "...you know where to find me."

               "By Sydney's side, I'm sure," she said sharply, eyes now rooted to the floor.

               They stood in awkward silence for a moment, until Lauren was called to board.  Vaughn moved to give her a kiss, but she avoided contact with him.  

               "Merry Christmas," he finally said to her retreating figure.

               She did not wish him the same.  

* * * *   

      Vaughn entered the hospital room, his eyes falling on Sydney's figure sitting on the bed.  Her head was bent, hair obscuring her face.  The door clicked closed behind him, alerting her of his presence.  She lifted her head and turned towards him, a small smile playing across her lips.

               "Hi," she said softly.

               "Hey," he returned, as he sat down beside her.  They lapsed into silence for a few long moments, before he broke it.  "Your father and I did all we could, Syd, but-..."

               "I know," she replied quietly, looking up into his eyes.  "Thank you."

               He shook his head, his gaze falling to the floor.  "Don't thank me."

               Sydney's brow furrowed.  "I know you did everything you could, Vaughn."

               He swallowed hard, unable to meet her eyes. "You shouldn't be sitting here right now, facing the possibility of permanent brain damage...or worse.  You're here because of me."

               "What are you talking about?"

               He sighed and rubbed at his eyes. "Lauren set this whole thing in motion by reporting you to Lindsey.   And she did it because of me."

               "Lauren was only doing her job, Vaughn."

               "No," he said sharply, shaking his head. "It was personal."

               Sydney could see there was no point in arguing with him.  

               He squeezed his eyes shut, speaking so softly Syd almost didn't hear him.  "I promised myself I wouldn't let this happen again."

               Sydney's forehead wrinkled.  She placed her hand on his arm so that he would look at her.  "What did you mean by that?"

               He forced his eyes to stay focused on hers and took a deep breath before beginning. "After you came back, I promised myself that I would do everything in my power to make sure you stayed safe.  It's so strange.  I spent the first year and a half of our relationship taking every precaution to ensure your safety.  I can't even tell you how much sleep I lost worrying about you while you were away.  It started out as my job, but became such an important part of my life as my feelings for you grew.  Then everything changed.  SD-6 was destroyed and we were finally able to be together.  Keeping you safe became even more important.  But then that night...I spent so much time trying to protect you from outside dangers, that I never even realized the biggest one was sleeping in the next room.  I should have known.  I should have stopped it.  I even had a feeling after I left you that night.  I almost went back, but brushed it off instead.  I should have done more, Sydney.  Look what it cost you.  Look what it cost us."

               Tears were pooling in Sydney's eyes now.  She had no idea he carried this guilt with him.  She brought her hand up to his cheek, rubbing her thumb in circles across his skin. "Thank you for wanting to stop it, but there's no way you could have known.  I didn't know and I lived with her.  I don't blame you, Vaughn.  I didn't blame you then and I don't blame you now.  Things happened the way they did.  I'm glad you didn't come back that night.  There's no telling what could have happened.  You might not be here right now."

               He placed his hand over hers and then guided it down to his lap.  "Or I might not have lost you.  It could have changed everything."

               Sydney bit at her lip. "But wondering about it now doesn't change anything."

               Vaughn inhaled deeply, before meeting her eyes.  "I told you that I won't lose you twice.  The truth is, there's nothing I can do to stop it.  I could lose you again.  It nearly killed me the first time, I'm not sure I could make it through a second." He paused, swallowing against the lump in his throat, before going on, "The one thing I regretted more than anything is never telling you I loved you."

               Sydney wiped at a tear on her cheek, her lips forming a smile.  

               "I knew," she whispered.  

               He nodded, "But I wanted you to hear the words.  I won't make the same mistake twice." He stopped, looking into her eyes with such an intensity Sydney had to force herself not to look away. "I love you, Sydney.  I told you some things don't change.  That's one of them."

               She ignored the tears now streaming down her face and said softly, "I love you, too."

               Vaughn smiled, moving closer to her and placing his hands on each side of her face.  Their lips met in a tender kiss.  Slowly, they parted, but their foreheads remained touching.  

               They stayed like that for a few long moments, enjoying the feeling of finally being together again.  They wouldn't allow themselves to think about how it was wrong, about a vow that had just been broken.   They knew this could be their last chance and they weren't about to let it pass them by.    

* * * *

      Sydney was currently being prepped and the surgery would begin shortly.  Vaughn and Jack sat side by side in the hospital waiting room.  They both stared straight ahead, silently lost in thought.   Neither had said a word in the last hour and a half. 

               "Where's Lauren?" Jack suddenly asked.

               "She's with her parents in Virginia."

               "And you're here?" he asked, one eyebrow raised, but still not meeting Vaughn's gaze. 

       "I'm right where I should be," Vaughn replied quietly.

       Jack shifted slightly in his chair and turned his head towards Vaughn.  His eyes scanned his face for a moment before he spoke.  "Do you still love my daughter, Mr. Vaughn?"  

       Vaughn's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open at the question.  

       Jack went on before he had a chance to respond.  "I ask, not because I suddenly believe you are good enough for Sydney; I assure you, I do not.  But, rather, because she has very few people left in her life whom she loves and who love her in return.  Whatever the outcome of this surgery, she is going to need all the support she can get."

       Vaughn was still shocked by how open Jack was being.  He swallowed hard, "You said to me before, that maybe I'll finally understand the moral compromises you make when someone you love is in danger.  I understood that a long time ago, Jack.  I can't even remember a time when I didn't love your daughter.  I'll always do everything I can to make sure she stays safe.  I'll be there for her.  No matter what."

       Jack nodded, his gaze focused straight ahead.  Vaughn studied his eyes.  At first glance, an emptiness seemed to occupy them.  But, a second one revealed more...a faraway look.  He was lost in another time and place.  

       Jack began softly, never breaking his trance. "The night Sydney was born she almost died."

       Vaughn's eyebrows peaked in surprise.  He had never known that and was more than a little surprised that was Jack being so candid and unguarded with him.

       Jack continued, his voice low.  "Lau...Irina waited too long to go to the hospital.  She had already experienced two false alarms and was certain this was another one.  By the time she realized it wasn't and we got to the hospital, the baby was in distress.  The umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck.  They performed an emergency cesarean. She...she wasn't breathing when she was born.  As they worked on her, one of the doctors told us that she was deprived of oxygen for quite some time while in the womb and that it was unlikely that she would make it.  He said that on the off-chance she did, she would be brain damaged.  They continued to work on her and she eventually started breathing on her own.  Hours later, the doctor came to us and said that she would live.  He also said that they would have to wait to be sure, but, as far as they could tell, she hadn't sustained any brain damage.  I remember him looking at me, shaking his head, and saying 'All medical reason says that little girl should either be dead or a vegetable right now. There are some things you just can't explain with science.'  I went to her after that.  They let me hold her.  I remember looking at her and promising that I would spend the rest of my life doing everything in my power to protect her.  I looked at that little girl and I saw a child who needed protecting.  I saw the wrong thing.  I should have seen a survivor.  She's been doing it from the moment she entered this world.  I see no reason why she won't continue to do so."

       Vaughn couldn't stop staring at Jack.  He didn't think he was capable of being so open, showing so much emotion.  As he looked at him, he realized he was seeing 'Jack, The Man' for the first time.  Not 'Jack, The Enforcer' or 'Jack, The Intimidator'.  

        At the moment, he was just a man with a daughter he loved more than anything in this world...A father scared of losing his little girl.  

        For once, there was nothing he could do to protect her.  All their efforts had failed and now Jack was left feeling helpless.

       Vaughn swallowed hard. "I've never seen anyone as strong as Sydney.  You're right, Jack, she is a survivor.  She's not going to give up without a fight."        

       Jack simply nodded, his eyes now glassy with tears held back.

*  * * * 

       "Count back from 10, Sydney," the doctor instructed her.

       "10, 9, 8, 7, 6..." her voice trailed off, as the doctor placed the mask on her face.

* * * *

_       "Come on, Daddy!  Put the beard on!" _

_       Jack Bristow stood in the middle of his living room wearing a Santa suit and a tortured expression.  His wife and daughter were certainly getting a kick out of this.  He was not.  _

_       "Jack, put the beard on.  It'll make Sydney happy," Laura coaxed with a sly smile._

_       Jack begrudgingly removed the beard from the box and placed it on his face._

_       He offered Sydney and Laura a closed-mouth smile.  "Happy now?"_

_       Laura stood up, a grin spreading across her face.  She offered him a kiss on the cheek.  _

_       "Yes, I am," she whispered in his ear._

_       "You look great, Daddy!"_

_       Jack smiled and bent down to pick up his young daughter. "You've got quite a scam going on here, little girl.  You know I'd do anything for you."_

_       "Sing!" Sydney suddenly demanded.  _

_       Jack's eyes widened. "Except that."_

_       Sydney adopted a pout and gave him her best puppy dog eyes.  "Pleeeeeease, Daddy?"_

_       Jack shook his head and rolled his eyes.  He noticed Laura cover her mouth to keep from laughing.  _

_       He finally sighed.  "What would you like me to sing?"_

_       "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus!"_

_       Jack scowled.  "Sydney."_

_       "Pleeeeease, Daddy!"_

_       Jack sighed in defeat.  He looked at his smiling wife as he began, "I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus, underneath the mistletoe last night. She didn't see me creep, down the stairs to have a peep.  She thought that I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep. Then I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus, underneath his beard so snowy white.  Oh, what a laugh it would have been, if Daddy had only seen Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night."_

_       Sydney and Laura clapped for him.  He did a half-bow in response, as Sydney jumped up and down excitedly.  _

_       "Kiss Mommy, Daddy!  Today, you are Santa Claus!"_

_       Jack smiled at his daughter.  "Now that's something you don't have to beg me to do."_

_               He wrapped his arm around his wife's waist and brought his lips down to hers in a soft kiss._

_               Sydney watched with a wide smile and bright eyes._

_* * * *_

_       Sydney poked her head into her father's bedroom.  He was leaning over the bed, packing a suitcase.  She walked into the room, stopping by his side._

_       "What are you doing up?  It's late.  Go back to bed, Sydney," her father spoke to her without ever looking up from his task._

_       "Where are you going?"_

_       Jack pressed the clothes down a bit as he spoke.  "I have a business trip."_

_               "But you can't go.  Tomorrow's Christmas."_

_               "It's work, Sydney.  I don't have a choice."_

_               Sydney's face fell. She thought for a moment, her eyes brightening. "Remember last year when you dressed up like Santa?  And you sang. Then you kissed Mo-…"_

_               "That's enough!"_

_               Sydney jumped, taken aback by her father's harsh tone.  "But…but you're supposed to dress up again this year.  And we were going to sing.  Just like last year."_

_               "It's not just like last year."_

_               Sydney bit at her lip, tears pooling in her eyes.  "I know. Mommy's not here this year."_

_               "No, she is not," Jack replied softly, as he closed the suitcase._

_               Sydney remained silent for a few long moments, wiping at some tears on her cheeks with the back of her hand.  Her voice was small and quiet when she finally spoke again. "Do you think there's snow in heaven?"_

_       Jack's head snapped in the direction of his daughter.  He shook his head.  "I wouldn't know."_

_               "Mommy's in heaven and she always said that heaven is where everything beautiful is.  Snow is beautiful, so it must be in heaven.  I've never seen snow.  I can't wait to get to heaven so I can see some."_

_               "Don't say things like that, Sydney!" Jack yelled._

_       Sydney's lower lip quivered.  "I just want to see snow," she whispered._

_       Jack's eyes dropped to the floor. "Go to bed.  Now."_

_       Sydney stared at her father for a long moment, a lone tear streaming down her cheek.  Then, finally, she turned on her heel and left._

_       Jack watched her go, then sat down on the bed.  He rubbed tiredly at his face.  After a few moments, he walked to the closet and opened it up.  He reached for a box on the top shelf and pulled it down.  He brought it back to the bed and opened it, reaching inside to pull out a snow globe.  _

_It was beautiful.  The base was white porcelain, made to resemble snow drifts.  The scene inside the glass enclosure was a village: houses lined the streets, snow blanketed the grass and figures of children engaged in various fun activities were placed throughout.   _

_He shook the globe and watched the flakes fall over the perfect little village and its inhabitants.  Jack sighed and then left the room, walking down the hall to his daughter's room.  He moved to the head of Sydney's bed and looked down at his daughter, dried tears staining her cheeks.  She looked up at him with wide eyes, as he placed the globe next to her pillow._

_       "This was your mother's.  She always loved it because of the snow.  I know she would have wanted you to have it.  I hope this will do until you can see the real thing."_

_       Sydney smiled and sat up, taking the globe in her hands.  She looked at it in wonder, totally captivated by the scene.  She finally looked at her father.  "Thank you, Daddy."_

_       He nodded and then leaned forward, kissing her on the forehead.  "Merry Christmas, Sydney."_

_       With that, he left the room.  Sydney sat there, repeatedly shaking the globe and making a winter wonderland._

_* * * *_

_       Sydney walked in the door, dropping her suitcase on the floor and kicking her shoes off.  It was Christmas Eve and she had just returned from a two-day mission in Russia.  She was exhausted.   All she wanted to do was take a bath and sleep through Christmas.  _

_       "Hey, you're back!" Francie greeted her._

_       "Hey, Syd, you're just in time," Will said._

_       Sydney smiled and walked over to her friends, who were sitting at the kitchen counter engrossed in a project.   Sydney eyed the many items that cluttered the space.  _

_       "Just in time for what?"_

_       "To be the judge for our First Annual Gingerbread House Contest," Will replied._

       _Sydney poked her head between them to get a better look at their entries.  _

_       Francie sighed, "Will wanted it to be a contest.  I just thought it would be fun."_

_       "Fran, without a contest we're just two adults playing with cookies and candy.  That would be silly."_

_       "You are so competitive, Will."_

_        "Competitive?  Do you see me pointing out that you violated one of the rules?"_

_       Francie's brow furrowed.  "What rule?"_

_       "Um, the 'only candy can be used as a decoration' rule.  Since when are pretzel sticks candy?"_

_       Francie rolled her eyes.  "And beef jerky is?  Seriously, not only is that a rule violation, but it's completely disgusting."_

       _Will grinned at her, as he bit off a hunk of jerky.  He spoke with his mouth full.  "Nothing says Christmas like dried meat."_

_       Francie and Sydney wrinkled their noses in disgust.  Will continued to work on his beef jerky fence as he spoke to Syd._

_       "So, Syd, did you talk to your Dad about tomorrow?"_

_       Sydney walked away from them and went to sit down on the couch. "Yeah, I asked him to come over, but he said he had to work."_

_       "On Christmas?" Francie asked._

       _Sydney shrugged. "Business trip."  She sighed, shaking her head.  "I don't know what I expected.  We haven't spent a Christmas together since I was six years old."_

_       Francie and Will joined Syd on the couch.  _

_       Francie put her arm around her shoulders.  "I'm sorry, sweetie.  I know you were hoping things would be different this year.  You wanted him to finally meet Danny."_

_       "His loss, Syd," Will said.  He then held a piece of jerky out to her.  "Jerky?"_

_       Sydney laughed, accepting the offer._

* * * *

       _Sydney rounded the corner and entered the caged area.   She smiled when she saw him._

_       "Hi," she greeted Vaughn._

_       A slow smile spread across his lips, "Hi."  He paused, just looking at her for a moment, before going on. "Um, do you have a question about your counter-mission because we weren't sched-..."_

_       She shook her head, holding a gift bag up to him. "No, it's nothing like that.  I know we're not supposed to meet unless absolutely necessary, but I forgot to give you this the other day and I knew I wouldn't see you until after Christmas, so..." she let her voice trail off._

_       His eyebrows peaked in surprise. "Oh, okay."  _

       She handed the gift to him. "Thanks," he said with a smile, but it soon faded. "I..didn't get you-..."

_       She shook her head. "I didn't expect anything.  I never actually thanked you for that beautiful frame you gave me last year, so I guess this is kind of a thank you."_

_       He offered her a smile through pursed lips.  "It was an implied thank you."  His eyes moved to the ground, the smile disappearing. "I wanted to get you something this year, but with all the trouble it caused last year with Haladki and Barnett, I figured I should play it safe."_

_       She smiled. "Well, I don't think this present will cause a problem.  My lips are sealed."_

_       "Mine too."_

_       "Then we should be fine."_

_       He nodded and then they lapsed into silence.  Sydney finally chuckled, gesturing to the bag.  "You can open it, you know."_

_       Vaughn laughed nervously, "Oh, yeah, sorry."  He pulled out the tissue paper and then dug inside the bag, removing a white box.  He opened the box, his eyes widening at the beautiful gift.  It was a snow globe.  A steady stream of snow twirled about the village.  _

_       Vaughn tore his eyes away from the gift and looked at Sydney.  "This is beautiful, Sydney.  Thank you."_

_       She smiled and gestured to it.  "It's musical."_

       _Vaughn turned it upside down and twisted the knob.  Soon "White Christmas" filled the air._

_       Sydney and Vaughn listened quietly to the hopeful song.  When it finished, Sydney spoke first._

_       "My father gave this to me."_

_       Vaughn's mouth dropped open in surprise and he shook his head. "Syd, I can't accept this."_

       "Yes, you can," she replied, her eyes twinkling. "My father gave it to me the first Christmas after my mother died.  It was hers and he knew I would like it.  I'd told him that I wanted to see snow someday, so he gave this to me, saying that it would have to do until then.  Every time I looked at it, it gave me hope…Hope that someday things would be better, that someday I would see that wish fulfilled.  You told me about your father's watch and what it meant to you.  Maybe I wasn't clear, but I feel the same way.  This snow globe is about hope for the future."

_       Vaughn swallowed hard, his eyes connecting with hers.  "Thank you."_

_       "You're welcome.  Merry Christmas, Vaughn."_

_       "Merry Christmas, Sydney," he replied quietly._

_       They exchanged one last look before she turned on her heel and left.  Vaughn watched her disappear from view before moving his eyes back to the snow globe.  He smiled to himself and then shook it._               

* * * *      

        _Simon wrapped his arm around Julia's bare body, pulling her closer to him.  She smiled, bringing her lips to his.   She then pulled back and ran her fingertips down his cheek._

_       "Is there anything better than making love in front of a fire on Christmas?"_

       Simon smirked, raising his eyebrows. "Making love?  Is that what you call what we just did?  'Cause I'm pretty sure most of that would land you on Santa's naughty list, Miss Thorne."

_       Julia grinned.  "I'm already on Santa's naughty list."_

       _"I bet you are," he replied huskily, before capturing her lips.  They kissed roughly for a few moments, before Julia abruptly pulled back.   She wrapped a blanket around herself and then left the bed._

_       "Where are you going?" Simon asked._

_       "You'll see," she answered._

_       Julia returned a moment later, positioning herself at the foot of the bed.  She smiled seductively, as she held her hands behind her back and allowed the blanket to fall to her feet.  _

_       Simon raised one eyebrow.  "What'cha got there?"_

_       "Wouldn't you like to know?" _

_Simon crawled to her, grabbing her by the waist to pull her towards him and then trying to reach behind her.  Julia wriggled free of his grasp and backed up.  Then, smiling, she held her right hand up, revealing a snowball.  She aimed and threw it at_ _Simon, hitting him right in the face.   Simon laughed, jumping off the bed and chasing her into the living room.   Julia threw the snowball in her left hand, hitting him in the thigh.  Simon ran to the door, pulled it open, and quickly made a snowball before closing it.   He walked slowly towards Julia, backing her into a corner._

_       "You, my dear, have been very naughty.  Now you must pay."_

_       Simon tossed the snowball at her chest, watching it break and slide down her skin, before pinning her against the wall with his body.  His hot breath tickled her lips.  _

_       "Merry Christmas, Julia."_

_       "Merry Christmas," she whispered, before grabbing the sides of his face and pressing her lips into his._

_       After a few moments, Simon tore his lips from hers and spoke breathlessly.  "You always have had a thing for snow." He paused, thinking.  "What's that song?  That insipid little ditty that seems to annoy every human being on earth around this time of year?  Ah, that's it:  'White Christmas.'"  Simon began to sing in a purposefully off-key voice. "I'm dreaming of a white Chri-..."_

       _Julia's eyes darkened and she pressed her hands against his chest, pushing him away from her.  "Stop.  Stop it!"_

_       Simon eyebrows peaked in surprise. "Granted, I may not have the best voice, but I don't believe it was that bad."_

       _She shook her head, her brow wrinkling in confusion.   _

_       "Just don't sing it again," she replied softly, but in a sharp tone.   _

_       Simon grinned and shrugged, as he moved towards her again.  "No problem, my dear.  I can't think of thousand other things that would be a hell of a lot more fun."_

_       With that, he pressed his body into hers again and began leaving a trail of kisses down her neck.  _

_       Julia stared straight ahead, lost in thought.  What was it about that song?  _

* * * *

       It was nearly midnight by the time the surgery was completed.  The doctor told Jack and Vaughn that the next twenty-four hours were critical.  If Sydney came out of this - and he was sure to stress the possibility that she might not - then she would have to do it within that time frame.  Any time after that decreased her chances greatly.  He also said that they wouldn't know if she had suffered any brain damage until she woke up.  

       Jack went to sit with her that night.  He looked at his daughter's peaceful face.  She looked as if she were sleeping.  He couldn't remember how many nights he had spent watching her sleep as a child.  He'd always thought that if she were in front of him sleeping, then she was safe and sound.  It helped him worry less.  But it was different this time.  

       He hesitantly brought his hand up, moving a stray piece of hair out of her face.  

       "I'm so sorry, Sydney," he whispered. "For not being there, for not stopping this.  For everything."

       He smiled slightly, recalling a memory.  "Your mother used to call you our 'miracle baby' because you almost didn't survive your birth.  She used to say that there must be a reason you survived, that you had a higher purpose.  I always thought that was a ridiculous notion, but now I realize she was right.  You've done so much good, Sydney, and I don't believe you're done.  You have to keep fighting."

       Jack rubbed at his eyes, hoping stop the approaching tears.  "Merry Christmas, Sydney.  I'm here this year."

* * * * 

       At around 10:00 pm that night, Sydney woke up.  The doctor told Jack and Vaughn this was a very good sign and, so far, there didn't seem to be any brain damage.  She was speaking coherently and was lucid.  Of course, he would have to run tests to be sure, but he was very encouraged.

       Vaughn smiled at Jack. "She's going to be fine.  I know it.  Why don't you go see her?"

       Jack shook his head.  "I have a feeling she's been waiting to see you."

       Vaughn nodded. "Thank you."  

       He grabbed a bag that sat on the chair beside him and walked down the hall to her room, entering quietly.  Sydney's eyes slowly opened, sensing his presence.  He took a seat by her side and smiled at her.  She managed a weak smile in return.

       "Hey," he said.

       "Hi," she replied, her voice soft and hoarse.  

       He just stared at her for a long moment, silently thanking God for not taking her away again.  

       He finally laughed and gestured to the poinsettia plant that sat on the table beside her bed.  "That's from Weiss.  His mother gave it to him, but he said his dog was trying to eat it, so he thought you might be able to take better care of it.  Personally, I think he's just too cheap to spring for a basket of flowers."

       Sydney chuckled.  "That was still very thoughtful of him.  If you see him before I do, please thank him."

       Vaughn nodded and then they lapsed into silence.  After a few moments, he lifted the gift bag and placed it on the bed.  "I have something for you."

       "You didn't have-..."

       "I know.  I wanted to."  She smiled, as he reached in and removed a box.  He then opened the box and took out the snow globe she had given him.  

       "Here.  I think you need this more than I do right now."

       Sydney shook head back and forth.  "No, I gave that to you.  I wanted you to have it."

       "And now I want you to have it."  Vaughn could feel his throat begin to close up with emotion.  "This did give me hope for the future, Sydney.  It helped me believe that someday we would be together.  Of course, I had no way of knowing it would happen so soon after you gave it to me.  And then when I thought I'd lost you forever.  Whenever I missed you so much I couldn't stand it or I felt like I couldn't go on, I'd look at it and think of you.  It would give me hope that someday things would be better.   It saved me, Syd.  I hope it can do the same for you."

       A tear slid down the side of Sydney's face and hit the pillow.  "Thank you," she said so softly he almost didn't hear her.  

       He smiled, turning it upside down so that he could start the music.  He then placed it down in front of her.  They both watched the snow twirl around the perfect little village, as "White Christmas" filled the air around them.  

       Vaughn took Sydney's hand in his and they sat there in silence, listening to the song. 

       Maybe one day all of their hopes and dreams would come true.  Until then, this would have to be enough. 

**********************************THE END*****************************

Thanks for reading!  Hope you enjoyed it and please let me know what you thought!  :) ~Steph


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